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Royal Woods Nights
My fourteenth fanfiction. Enjoy! One morning at breakfast, Lynn Sr. and Rita were eating breakfast. "It's so nice that all the kids sit at the kiddie table now", Rita said, "it's nice to have the grown-up table to ourselves." "I'll say", Lynn Sr. said, "I feel like it's been years since we've eaten a meal without the kids." At the kiddie table, the kids heard this. "Poor mom and dad", Luna said. "They must be bummed out", Lynn said. Lincoln then had an idea. "Guys", Lincoln said, "I've got an idea." He then whispered something to them. "Yes", Lori said, "that's literally genius." The kids then walked up to Lynn Sr. and Rita. "Hey guys", Lincoln said, "enjoying your meal this morning?" "Yeah", Lynn Sr. said, "especially because I made it." "Love your shoes by the way, mom", Leni said, "I have the same pair myself." Lynn Sr. and Rita then looked at each other. "Asking us how we're doing, complementing one of us", Rita said, "what do you kids want?" "We heard you want to get away from us for a night", Lincoln said, "so why don't you go out on a date night?" "Kids", Lynn Sr. said, "your mother and I are just fine, we don't need to get away from you." "Okay then", Lincoln said, "Luan." Luan then popped up wearing a top hat and a magician's cape. "Prepare to be amazed", Luan said. Luan then pulled the tablecloth off, taking Lynn Sr. and Rita's plates with it. "I could use a night out", Rita said. "Me too", Lynn Sr. said. Later that night, the kids were sitting on the couch when Lynn Sr. and Rita came down dressed nicely. "Alright kids", Lynn Sr. said, "your mother and I are going out for a date night, so behave yourselves while we're away." "Okay", the kids said. They then heard a car horn honk. "Cab's here", Rita said. "Wait", Lincoln said, "you're not taking the van?" "We decided to leave it here in case you kids want to see a movie or something", Lynn Sr. said, "but don't do anything crazy." "Got it", the kids said. As the taxi drove away, the three fraternity boys from the Loud family's stay at the Royal Woods Spa popped out from behind a bush and Kyle looked at Vanzilla from a pair of binoculars. "Alright boys", Kyle said, "it's showtime!" The three then popped out of the bush and started making noise, while Lisa looked on from the house. "I despise those crazy college kids", Lisa said. "Would you relax", Lori said, "they're just trying to have the time of their lives." "They're goanna steal the car", Lisa said. "They won't steal the car", Lori said. "They're stealing the car", Lisa said. "They aren't stealing the car", Lori said. "They stole the car", Lisa said. "What", Lori asked. She and the other siblings ran to the window and saw the three guys driving away in Vanzilla. "Crud", Lori said. Outside, the siblings were panicking. "What are we going to do", Lori asked, "that van has been in the Loud family for three generations, and if dad finds out, he'll be crushed!" "We have to take it back", Lincoln said. "Lincoln", Lori said, "there are other ways to solve problems than taking back what was stolen." "I suppose you have a better idea", Lincoln said. Lori was about to speak, but stopped, as she didn't have an idea. "What's your plan", Lori asked. "Our good friend Bobby owns a pickup truck", Lincoln said, "we'll see if we can borrow it to go after those three clowns." The others liked the plan. "I'll stay here with Lily", Lucy said, "she probably shouldn't be involved in something like this." "Okay", Lincoln said, "the rest of us, off to Bobby's!" At Bobby's house, Lincoln was explaining the situation. "And that's why we need to borrow your pickup truck", Lincoln said. Bobby then handed Lincoln the keys. "Try not to hit any pedestrians", Bobby said. The then walked over to Bobby's truck. "Perfect", Lincoln said, "it's a four door model." "Now then", Lori said, "Lana, Lola, Lisa, you better ride in the back seat." "We'll sit in the back of the truck", Lynn said. "And I'll ride shotgun with Lori", Lincoln said. "Perfect", Lori said. Lori started the truck and they drove off. "Watch out Vanzilla", Lincoln said, "we're coming for you." In the town, the three guys were driving Vanzilla like madmen. "This is the best idea we've ever had", Miguel said. "You said it", Kyle said, "YOLO!" Todd then noticed the truck driving up to them. "Hey guys", Todd said, "we've got company." Kyle and Miguel looked in the mirror and saw the Loud kids in Bobby's pickup truck. "It's those kids again", Miguel said, "step on it Kyle!" Kyle stepped on the gas pedal and they drove away. "So you wanna do it the hard way", Lori said, "fine, we'll do it the hard way." Lori then chased after them. "Give us back our van", Lori shouted. "Finders keepers", Kyle shouted. They chased the three down the road and noticed something. "Oh crud", Lincoln said, "it's the restaurant mom and dad are eating at." "Quick", Lori said, "everybody duck down." Everybody ducked down and Lori slowed the truck down, and when it passed, it looked like nobody was in it. "Lynn", Rita said, "is it just me, or did that truck have no driver?" "How old do you think I am", Lynn Sr. asked. Meanwhile, the three college kids were driving down a road out of town. "This is the life", Kyle said. Then, something bumped into Vanzilla. "What was that", Miguel asked. Lori had bumped Vanzilla with Bobby's truck. "Hit 'em again", Lincoln said. Lori bumped into Vanzilla again. "It's those kids again", Kyle said. Lori bumped into Vanzilla one more time, causing it to spin out into a nearby field. "Yeah", Lincoln said, "we showed them!" The siblings got out of the truck to confront the guys. "Alright, take your stupid van", Kyle said. The three guys then ran away. "That's right", Lincoln said, "you better run!" "Alright", Lori said, "I'm going to go return Bobby his truck." Lori drove away in Bobby's pickup truck. "Alright", Leni said, "let's go home." "Wait", Lisa said, "I must disinfect the van." "Why", Leni asked. "There's no telling where those three bozos have been", Lisa said. Lisa sprayed the seats, doors, dashboard, and floor of the van with some chemicals in a spray bottle. "It's safe to drive now", Lisa said. Leni got into the driver's seat, which fell through the floor. "Am I putting on weight", Leni asked. "Uh-oh", Lisa said. Then, Vanzilla completely fell apart. "Whoops", Lisa said. The siblings were forced to carry the remains of Vanzilla home, and when they got there, Lori, Lucy, and Lily greeted them. "So, how'd it go", Lucy asked. "The whole thing fell apart", Lincoln said, "thanks to Lisa's experiment." "The average fraternity boy has more germs than one of Lily's dirty diapers", Lisa said. Lily, taking offense to this, threw her diaper at Lisa. "Poo-poo", Lily said. "Well what are we going to do", Lori asked, "mom and dad will be here any minute." "I've got this", Lana said. Lana managed to fix Vanzilla up in no time. "Will it hold", Lori asked. "I'm hoping it will hold for a few days", Lana said. "Good enough for me", Lori said. They then saw the taxi pull up. "Mom and dad are back", Lori said, "everyone in the house!" They got in the house as Lynn Sr. and Rita came in. "Hey kids", Rita said, "we're home." "We had a great night out", Lynn Sr. said, "though I wish the bill wasn't so big." "Did you kids do anything while we were gone", Rita asked. "No", Lincoln said, "just sat around doing our own things." "Okay", Lynn Sr. said, "goodnight then." The kids went upstairs. "You know", Lincoln said, "we might actually get away with this." But the next morning, when Rita went to go to the grocery store, she got into Vanzilla and started the engine, but the sides fell off. "Kids", Rita shouted. The End Notes * The title of this fanfiction comes from the 2006 comedy film Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. * There were two unused versions of how Vanzilla got destroyed: ** The first one was the three college kids crashed it into a ditch, totaling it. ** The second one was the three college kids leaving the van in front of a railroad crossing, and it gets destroyed by an oncoming freight train. Category:Episodes